Grace in My Direction

Mom was 16 when I came into the world in the year 1976 and how can children raise children? If not for Grandma I know all would be lost. Grandma, Papa and Jesus... I just didn't know it yet. Christian school was meant to help, but what I got instead was a bad example of what a Christian looked like. No acceptance there. At age 15 I got involved in a coven of witches. A "family" that would stand with me through anything. What I got was a nightmare. I fell into sexual temptation and drug use rather quickly seeking relief of any kind from the loneliness and thoughts of death. I married a man at age 18 who promised the white picket fence, but another nightmare ensued. He was abusive in every way. A couple of months after we married, I became pregnant. At age 18 in the year 1994 I was not at all ready for a child and was not willing to raise someone who would be destroyed by this man's anger and his words. He didn't want children so he convinced me that an abortion would be our best option as well as my own family. Everything in me screamed "NO!! YOU CAN'T!!", but I proceeded anyway. The procedure was horrible and I was only mildly sedated during the event. The sounds and the images stayed in my mind and I grieved so hard while trying to convince myself that what they were telling me was true, that it was only a "blob of tissue". Afterward I was given a contraceptive injection that would prevent pregnancy for 3 months, but the way the drug worked prevented me from healing from the procedure. I was told I would never conceive and if I did, it would likely be lost because of my inability to carry to full term. I was crushed. After 2 more years of abuse and infidelity, I finally left my husband. I could take no more. I went home to Grandma who loved me through. But I fell back into sin so completely I lost my identity in it. At that time I was also diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD. In 2000 I met the man of my dreams and in May 2002 I married him. The following year my grandmother passed unexpectedly. This was the most difficult time of my life. In desperation we tried to conceive a child and DID. But at 8 weeks we were told the baby had no heartbeat. I was convinced this was my punishment for taking the life of my own child so many years before. I fell completely apart, but my wonderful husband and my sweet Savior never let me go for one moment. I gave my life to Christ completely and fell so deeply in love with my Hero... my Jesus. In 2004 we found a church to call home and began attending Sunday night service. A gentleman approached us after service one night and said "You have had a miscarriage and you think God is punishing you for your sins. The Holy Spirit wanted me to tell you that within the year you will become pregnant and all will be ok." Well, the mystery man was RIGHT! In July of that year we learned that there was a healthy child growing inside my body. In March of 2007, Jonas made his appearance. I had been healed not only of infertility, but also of the PTSD that had shut down my life for so long. God has replaced so much lost with so much MORE than I ever had. I am now involved in the pro-life ministry and I share my story with anyone who will hear the truth about what abortion does to a life. No woman should ever have to know the horrors of abortion. No child or mother should ever have to be a victim of this terrible lie of the enemy and I will spend the rest of my life speaking the truth. I will also spend my days praising and adoring the One who took this gory trainwreck of a life and made it this beautiful. Where else can I go? I am with my Daddy. I'm home. "And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony." Revelation 12:11 "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." John 15:19


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Grace in My Direction